Poison
by fujiapplesgoBOOM
Summary: After things go wrong aboard the Normandy, Shepard starts to lose herself. It's up to Garrus to save his most trusted friend from her own destruction. Takes place towards the end of ME2. Will become femShepxGarrus
1. Chapter 1

Based on a little moment I encountered while playing Mass Effect 2. I'm impressed with the amount of extra dialogue and scenes that can easily be missed. Also this is the first story I've written in a long time, so I apologize in advance for any errors or weirdness.

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This wasn't the Shepard he knew. Shepard was strong, her determination and will unbreakable. She had seen and survived so much... Garrus shook his head and refocused on the commander. She was still downing drinks at the bar of this awful club, Afterlife. Why they were even here to begin with had been a mystery. But seeing Shepard the way she was now... He understood. She was trying to make the pain go away.

...

_Their ship had just been raided, the whole crew kidnapped by the Collectors while they were away. They still weren't ready to go charging through the Omega 4 Relay and every second waiting for upgrades was time their crew was dying, or worse. Shepard had ordered Joker to dock at Omega not long after, then just disappeared into her quarters. The team had gone straight to work making sure the Normandy would be in top shape as soon as possible. Hours passed. He had been so focused on installing and calibrating the new cannons that he actually jumped when EDI's voice came on informing that the commander was going ashore. "Just the commander?" he asked, turning to face the AI's console. "Correct, Agent Vakarian." the faceless projection replied as it appeared. An unsettling feeling washed over him. The commander never went somewhere alone. Grabbing his guns, he rushed to catch up to her. As much as he hated the scum-filled rock, he wasn't going to let her wander it by herself. As he exited the elevator, he saw her talking with Joker. Even from that distance he could see the concern in the other human's eyes. As he walked up, he heard a sighed agreement from the man as his chair swiveled back to face the ship's controls. Garrus opened his mouth to speak but the voice he heard was not his own._

_"Shepard-Commander," a synthesized voice called behind him. He turned to see Legion standing behind him, surprised that the geth wasn't down in the AI core for once. Hearing Shepard's sigh, he turned back to face her. There was a fleeting expression in her eyes that made his heart sink and he didn't know why. He inwardly cursed himself for not paying more attention in the human emotion course when he was training for C-Sec. "Don't you two have work to be doing?" she stated, her eyes now cold. "All relevant data has been processed and uploaded to the system," Legion replied. "We request that you take this platform with you to collect data on off-ship activities." The commander folded her arms and shifted her gaze to the turian. He straightened his stance and stared back, trying to convey his determination. "I'm not letting you go out there alone Shepard, you know how dangerous this place can be," he started. "I'll have plenty of time to finish on our way to the relay." Nothing in her posture or face changed, if anything she was frowning even more. Garrus didn't like it._

_"I can take care of myself Garrus. Besides, I don't really feel like having company right now." Her words were cold and stung like she had punched him, but he didn't let his stance falter. She had always asked him to come along, even on the most mundane tasks. Something was definitely wrong. "Come on, Commander. You know the gangs wouldn't hesitate if any of them recognized you. If you want to be alone, fine. Just let me watch your back." From the look of it she still wasn't biting. "I'll even make sure Legion doesn't get into any trouble," he bargained. Finally, her arms dropped and she sighed heavily. "Do whatever you guys want."_

...

As he watched her down yet another glass of blue liquid in a matter of seconds, his hands clenched up. He said he'd give her space but this... He wasn't going to stand by as she tried to destroy herself. Checking to make sure Legion was still around and not getting into any trouble, he made his was over to the bar. She didn't acknowledge his presence as he stood beside her, merely motioning for the bartender to pour her another glass. "Commander, I think you've had enough," Garrus cut in. For a moment there was no reaction. Then angry eyes met his own steel blue ones defiantly. "Sscrew you, Garrus! You can't- y'can't tell... tell ME what t'do!" she slurred as she pointed unsteadily at him. "With all due respect, Commander, you're going to kill yourself if you keep this up," he replied as calmly as possible. "Let's go back to the ship and get you rested up." He grabbed her arm lightly to pull her away, but she shrugged him off violently. "I SAID LEAVE ME ALONE!" she shouted, shoving him back. Anger bubbled up inside him as the patrons around them stared at the scene unfolding. "You want me to leave you alone Shepard, fine! I'm gone!" he growled back, mandibles twitching. With one last shared glare, he stalked off to the rear stairs of the club to make his way back to the docks.

As he reached the upper level of the club, he paused. What good would walking away do? He'd probably have to come back to drag her to the ship anyways, plus he left Legion behind... Sighing, he turned to walk back down. He wouldn't give up on her. She'd done too much for him, helped him through so much, kept him from turning into something he'd hate. It was time to return the favor. As he turned through the door, the sight before him struck fear in his heart. Shepard was lifting another glass to her lips, a batarian behind the bar smirking wickedly as she gulped it down. The bartenders must have changed shifts when he walked away. The music was suddenly too loud and the distance between them seemed like miles as he watched her stumble and collapse. He called her name, shoving violently past everyone in his path as he ran to her unmoving form. He kneeled beside her, shaking her, begging her to get up to no avail. Seething, he glared back up at the bar but the batarian was gone. Garrus had heard about him not long after forming his group here on Omega, the batarian bartender who liked to poison humans. He hadn't had a chance to deal with him, being more preoccupied with the gangs at the time. He hated himself for never making the time to hunt him down. He would get what was coming to him now. But first he had to get Shepard out of here. He pressed a finger to her neck and was relieved to feel a pulse. It was weak, but it was still there. A bright light caught his eye and he looked up to see Legion staring back.

"What happened to Shepard-Commander?" it inquired, eye scanning over them curiously. "She's been poisoned. Help me get her out of here," he replied irritably as he administered medi-gel. "We do not understand. The purpose of this establishment is for organics to consume poison," it stated. Garrus glared up at the synthetic. "Just help me carry her." The synthetic merely nodded and mimicked Garrus as he slung one of Shepard's arms over his shoulder. They laid her back down in the alley outside, Legion watching as Garrus sat beside her, checking that she was still breathing. Her pulse was still going steady, but she showed no signs of waking. "Damnit Shepard... don't you die on me..." he whispered desperately. "I've lost too many friends already... I don't want to lose you too..."

Waiting felt like an eternity, and Legion's constant questioning wasn't helping his mood. He considered dragging her back to the ship to see Mordin, but what would the team say when they found out how this happened? Shepard was their center, their beacon of hope. To hear that she had been drowning herself in a sleazy bar... Not to mention the blame that would surely fall on him for not protecting her. He already knew he had failed her, he didn't need to be reminded by everyone else.

"Let me guess, your friend had a drink at Afterlife?"

The unfamiliar voice tore him away from his thoughts. He looked up to see a human male standing before them, a sorrowful look in his eyes. Garrus could only nod and look back down at the ground. "She still alive?" the man asked quietly. Another nod. The unknown man gave an impressed whistle. "That's one tough chick. She's damn lucky." A pained groan rose up beside Garrus before he could respond. Relief washed over him as he watched her slowly sit up. She looked up at the man before them blearily, then slowly turned towards Garrus, confusion in her eyes. "I should've warned you, Shepard. I'm sorry," he apologized. His eyes went back to the floor as the guilt washed over his relief.

"What's going on here?" she asked unsteadily, trying to stand. Garrus quickly caught her arm and helped lift her to her feet. "You ought to be all right. Just take 'er easy," the man responded. "Looks like you broke the first rule of Omega. Don't order a drink at Afterlife if you're human." She questioned the man a little more as she regained her composure, but Garrus barely heard what was being said. He was lost in his thoughts again. Almost losing her like that... He wondered if this was what it was like for her when that gunship shot him down. He remembered the pain, gasping for breath as he choked on his own blood. The sound of Shepard's voice calling to him, begging him to hold on. Her face... He could never forget that face. He remembers seeing her holding back tears, still trying to look strong for him.

"I think I'll go give that bartender a taste of his own medicine." Those words sent him crashing back to reality. He couldn't have heard that right. Shepard would never... She was the one who prevented HIM from getting mindless revenge! But sure enough, she was already marching right back into that bar. He jogged to catch up, Legion not far behind. She was already back at the bar, the batarian scum was back and offered her another drink. A low growl escaped Garrus's throat. He wanted to tear the bastard apart, but he had to stop Shepard first. He couldn't let her stoop down to his level. "What do you think these people will do when they find out you're poisoning your customers?" she asked coldly. Before Garrus could interject, another turian cut in on the conversation. The batarian angrily tried to shut him out. Using the sign of aggression to her advantage, she continued to taunt him by asking if he hated turians too. She had gone too far. The bartender pulled a gun and pointed it right in her face. Before anyone else could react, he was quickly shot down by the turian customer beside her. Nodding her thanks, she made her way towards the exit. "C'mon guys. Let's go," she mumbled as she passed her companions. With one last glance back at the now empty bar, they followed their commander out the door.

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Don't worry, it's not over yet. Not sure how far I'll go with this just yet, but there is going to be another chapter. Please leave feedback, like I said I'm still pretty rusty... Anyways, I hope you enjoyed it so far.


	2. Chapter 2

Seems like I'm on a small roll, normally I don't produce chapters this quickly. Hopefully I can keep it up until the end. Thanks to everyone for taking time to read this little story. I'm trying to keep femShep as ambiguous as possible so you can imagine her as you see fit.

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Garrus couldn't focus. The whole walk back to the Normandy had just been silence. Shepard only spoke when they re-boarded, asking EDI for a status update on their upgrades. She wasn't happy to hear they'd have to gather more resources for the armor upgrade. Irritably, she plotted a course around some unexplored planets they could send probes to. Garrus tried to speak up, wanted to tell her they needed to talk, but she disappeared into the elevator before he could even open his mouth. He had retreated back to the main battery instead. He needed to think about how to talk to her. Ha had hoped doing more calibrations would clear his mind, but he kept making mistakes. Pushing away from the console, frustrated, he began to pace the small room. His commander's odd behavior consumed his mind. She had been a friend to him when he was consumed by the foulest moods. He wasn't very good at cheering other people up, but he had to try.

The sound of the door opening stopped him mid-pace. A smile touched his lips but fell back when he saw it wasn't who he expected. "Oh... Tali. I thought you were... Nevermind..." he sighed, shaking his head. "...What's wrong?" he asked, noticing the quarian was wringing her hands nervously. Tali sighed and began to pace feverishly, still wringing her hands. "I went up to see Shepard, to tell her about the shield generator but when I got there..." Tali began. She stopped and turned to Garrus. Even through the haze of her mask he could see the worry on her face. "When I got there, the door was locked," she continued, resuming her pacing. "I called to her but EDI said the commander instructed that no one was to disturb her." Tali stopped, her back to Garrus. "I think... I think I heard her crying..." she whispered.

Garrus felt his insides sinking. The thought of her alone up there was unacceptable. "Don't worry Tali," he replied as calmly as possible, placing a hand on her shoulder. "I'll go check on the commander. Just go back downstairs and try to stay focused." Tali nodded, turning to face him once again. "Come on, I'll ride the elevator with you," he continued, trying to manage a smile. The two walked in silence to the lift. Passing through the empty floor was truly eerie. Without the usual hum of chatter, the smell of food, the smiles that greeted them, it seemed like a completely different ship. They both remained silent as the elevator went down. Tali had begun wringing her hands again. As the door opened, she hesitated as she stepped out. "Garrus... Good luck up there." Before he could even respond, the doors closed and the elevator began to rise. He grew more and more nervous the higher up it went. What was he going to say to her? She'd surely just try to make him leave... But he wouldn't give up on her. The doors opened once again and he swallowed. Stepping out, he saw it was just as Tali said. The door's red light glowed at him, taunting him.

He took a deep breath. "EDI, unlock the door. I need to speak to the commander," he stated, trying not to sound anxious.

"I'm sorry, but Commander Shepard requested that-"

"EDI, please, just open it," he sighed. "This is important."

A moment passed, then the light changed from red to green, the door hissing as it slid open. Garrus stepped through quietly, scanning the room. It was dark, save for the light that glowed from the fish tanks on the wall. He could see her form curled on the bed, illuminated by the faint blue glow. She was so still and silent, as if she were sleeping. Garrus wondered if maybe Tali had been mistaken. That thought quickly left as he stepped further into the room and his eyes adjusted to the dim light. Her body was far too tense to be asleep.

"EDI, I thought I said not to let anyone in," she said, still not moving from her position. He could see the glow from EDI as she appeared on the console behind him. "Apologies, Commander, but Agent Vakarian insisted it was urgent," she replied. Shepard seemed to curl up a little more at her words. "...What do you want Garrus," she asked flatly. Though she was doing a good job of hiding it, he could still hear the quiver in her voice.

"Shepard, we need to talk," he started, still advancing slowly. He narrowly dodged the pillow that came sailing at his head. "I don't want to. Go away," was all she said before curling back on the bed. Undeterred, Garrus continued to the side of the bed. "Shepard..." he spoke softly. She had her back to him as he stood over her. An overwhelming urge to hold her in his arms rose up in him. Before he even realized what he was doing, he was reaching for her. "Garrus... Please... Just go away." Her words froze him. Lowering his arm, he swallowed hard and sat on the edge of the bed. "I'm sorry Commander. I can't do that. You're my friend, and something's clearly causing you pain," he explained quietly. "Besides, you're always the one pushing me to talk when I'm a mess," he teased lightly, hoping to make her smile. Still she was silent and unmoving. "Come on Shepard, you know I'll always have your back. You can trust me."

A short, bitter laugh escaped her lips. "You know, Kaiden said the same thing to me once."

His heart dropped into his stomach. Anger started to bubble inside him. He had almost forgotten about that little 'reunion'. They had been something before she died, and her disappearance tore Kaiden apart. They had embraced on Horizon, but it soon became clear things had changed. He had spoken harshly to her, accusing her of joining the enemy. She tried to explain but he just wouldn't listen. Garrus had tried to defend her, but it was pointless. In the end they parted ways, broken. Shepard just continued on with their mission against the Collectors seemingly unfazed, but now he could see it had shattered something inside her. The raid on their ship probably didn't help her to forget either. With renewed purpose, he gently laid a hand on her shoulder.

"Yeah, well... I'm still here, aren't I?" he soothed. Finally, he felt her body relax a little. Slowly, she turned her head and looked him in the eyes. Even in the dim light he could see the shine of tears, the faint streaks down her cheeks. Instinctively he brushed his hand against her face, trying to erase the trail. "Talk to me, Shepard."

Finally her eyes left his, her head lowering back onto the remaining pillow. She took a deep breath and sighed. "It's just... Everything's really gone to hell, hasn't it? I can't help thinking that maybe..." She hesitated. Garrus rested his hand on her arm again, silently urging her to continue. Another deep breath, then, "Maybe if we'd stayed on the ship just a little longer, or got back just a little faster... Hell, even if I hadn't taken all of you guys with me on that last mission... Maybe we could've prevented this. We could've stopped the Collectors from taking them all..." she bit out, fist clenching in the sheets. He could feel her body begin to shake, trying to hold herself together.

"Shepard, you can't blame yourself for something like that. You couldn't have known. You did the best that you could," he replied. He gave her arm a reassuring squeeze, but was brushed off as the commander finally sat upright. He could see the frustration burning in her eyes. "No, I didn't Garrus! I failed all of them when they needed me most!" she nearly shouted. Fresh tears raced down her face and she rubbed her eyes furiously, trying to stem the flow. Despite her sorrow, Garrus couldn't help the small smile that tugged at his face.

"You know Commander, I'm getting a sense of... Oh what do you humans call it? Déjà vu?" He took her by the wrists, pulling her hands away from her face. Catching her gaze once again, he continued, hands still wrapped gently on hers. "I seem to recall a certain turian who got called away from his squad only for them to be ambushed in his abscence," he spoke gently. "And in the haze of guilt and pain he had been ready to join them, and bring every dirty son-of-a-bitch responsible down with him." There was something like a mix of surprise and realization in her eyes. "Then, just when I thought my time was coming to an end, you showed up," he mused, smile broadening. "When I first glimpsed you through the scope, I thought I was just seeing things. I thought that maybe-" He cut himself off, suddenly embarrassed. "Er... nevermind..." he mumbled, averting his gaze.

Shepard quirked a brow at his suddenly shy demeanor. "You thought maybe what?" she pressed. He swallowed nervously. She was curious by nature and he knew she would just keep asking until she had an answer. The room was suddenly beginning to feel just a little too warm.

"I thought... I thought maybe you were there to escort me to the afterlife. That's what humans believe right?" He realized his hands were still on hers and quickly pulled them away. He began to fidget as he felt her gaze still fixed on him. "When you and your team started shooting up the place I realized that I was being silly. And watching you in action again... It was like you'd never been gone," he said, finally finding the courage to look at her again. Her tears had ceased to fall and she had that ever-curious look in her eyes again. He cleared his throat and rubbed at his neck. It sure was hot in here.

"Um... Anyways... I'm straying... What I'm trying to say Shepard is you showed me that what happened wasn't my fault. So if I'm not to blame for their deaths, you're not to blame for the crew's abduction," he finished. For the first time that day, Shepard smiled. It was faint, but a smile nonetheless. Finally seeing some brightness in her face brought a sense of relief throughout Garrus. Donning a smile of his own, he punched her arm playfully. "I have to admit I'm a little jealous of you. You get to have yourself some full-fledged revenge," he teased. Sniffling, Shepard wiped the last of the tears from her eyes as her smile broadened.

"Only because they're a threat to the galaxy Garrus," she replied, giving him a shove in return. "Even so, if it turns out the Collectors are just being controlled somehow..." A smooth laugh cut her off.

"That's what I like about you Shepard. Forever merciful, if a bit naive," Garrus chuckled.

"Hey! You make it sound like I'm some bumbling child," she scolded lightly. Running a hand through her hair, she made to leave the bed. "I should shower. All those drinks are finally catching up to me I think," she said, standing slowly.

"And I should get back to work on those calibrations," Garrus replied. He stood and made his way to the door. "By the way, Tali wanted to speak with you. Something about the shield generator."

"Thanks, I'll go down to see her as soon as I'm done," Shepard said as the bathroom door slid open. He gave her a final nod before stepping through the exit. "Garrus," she called after him, stepping out where he could see her. "Thanks for cheering me up."

"Anytime Commander," he smiled, and with that, the doors slid shut once again.

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Phew, another chapter out. I'm having a hard time not repeating a lot of words and phrases. If things do seem a little repetitive I apologize. Hope you guys enjoyed, and stay tuned for chapter 3


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